Trying To Get To Specifics

March 3, 2010

I begin to make something with the part of me that wants to move out (side) and around.  In the end  — when i stop the thing from changing by removing my will — i hope to be content with its (dis)order.

What is exposed, what is made, is eventually detached from my hopes in (dis)order to becomes itself.  It is no longer a part of me, it is a part of the world.  It talks for itself, saying things i could never think it would say, louder than i dreamt it might say them.

Meanwhile, i analyze what has come a part — and before — from me.  I attempt to understand what i have uncovered — what is being illuminated — through re-playing and re-shaping the matters at hand.  Sometimes i come to an understanding and other times i have to tear myself away from a tendency to fall off into an infinite hyper-critical abyss.

I remember a present a friend gave me for my 26th birthday.  A message scribbled on a small piece of paper wrapped around a match and placed in a tiny bottle labeled “Love is a feeling like a warm black stone.”  The message says: “Why are we bent on measurement? Why do we measure and how? Is yours a milimeter longer?  Oh, wow.”

Reading this i am still at the beginning of forming answers to these questions.  The only thing i know for sure is that the tone in which i imagine, “Is yours a milimeter longer? Oh, wow”  to be read in is somewhat cavalier.  How i might begin to answer this friendly and beautifully packaged birthday question is to comment that (currently) I wear a size 6 in GAP jeans, a size 4 in Banana Republic, and can squeeze myself into a pair of 28 Sevens.  Very meaningful stuff.

Measurement is for fitting in. I am all for being in and out and together and apart already.  How this came about, i don’t know, there’s probably some documentation around, but — things disappear — maybe I just don’t want those parts to be seen.  Anyway, what’s the matter with hanging out, re-generating everything, and dieing to bring perspective to re-forming standards of measurement?

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