Archive for October, 2023

Destruction

October 28, 2023

An open letter to anyone who may be able to read, feel free to comment below. 

dialogue is everything. 

The actual Earth and world in Maine could not be more beautiful than it has been these past few days.  Paradoxically, emotionally, many are murderously being slaughtered or injured.  cant help but relate my home state of Lewiston’s mass shootings by a militantly trained man to Palestine. 

Is it coincidence that the violence and inhumane acts of terror and innappropriately weilding weapons at innocent people is manifesting just across the bay from my home, in a city the current govenor of our state, Janet Mills,  describes as

“A close-knit community with a long history of hard work, of persistence, of faith, of opening its big heart to people everywhere,” Mills said. “This city did not deserve this terrible assault on its citizens, on its peace of mind, on its sense of security. No city does, no state, no people.”

this could be someone describing Palestine, yet they’re not, it is not a place millions of miles away from us in the middle east.  it is here in Maine, in America.  The land of the free and the brave.  

when we dont make serious changes to human interaction, gun laws and allow money and power to rule the world why should i expect any safety near my home at all?  it should come as no surprise a militantly trained insane person opens fire at a restaurant and bowling alley up the road.  the people of palestine face the same threat every day for decades.   

a neighbor, Paul,  writes this concise form of guidance and reference of another country’s humane and protective use of their authority. He says;

“I spent a little time this morning, channeling the bad news in Lewiston to some emails to some of our Maine Senators and Representatives:

Rachel.TalbotRoss@legislature.maine.gov(Speaker of the House in Maine)

Troy.Jackson@legislature.maine.gov(President of the Senate in Maine)

trey.stewart@legislature.maine.gov(Maine Senate Republican Leader)

Maureen.Terry@legislature.maine.gov(Maurren Terry : Maine House Majority Leader) William.Faulkingham@legislature.maine.gov

(Billy Bob Faulkingham: House Minority Leader)

Amy.Arata@legislature.maine.gov

(Amy Bradstreet Arata Assistant Republican Leader)

What I sent: I am writing you as someone who grew up hunting and fishing, but also as someone that knows that I do not need semi-automatic weapons to engage in these activities. Until yesterday, Maine has been luckily spared from the insanity of mass shootings, but now we face a choice to do something to make this less likely to happen again. It’s high time we ban semi-automatic weapons and enact a law mandating serious background checks and a waiting period for any purchase of a gun of any sort. Anyone with a history of mental illness should be permanently banned from owning a gun.

I imagine you know that when a mass shooting in Australia occurred 26 years ago, new laws were enacted that banned the sale an importation of ALL semiautomatic and semi-automatic rifles and shotguns. People had to present a legitimate reason and wait 28 days in order to purchase a firearm. And, the Australian government confiscated and destroyed almost 700,000 firearms.

It took only 12 days from the Australian shooting to enact the above mentioned legislation. Since these laws were passed, there has been only one shooting of more than 4 people in 26 years, and gun homiceds decreased by 60%. The Prime Minister at the time (John Howard) summed up the importance of the legislation he enacted as follows: “People used to say to me, ‘You violated my human rights by taking away my gun.’ And I’d tell them, ‘I understand that. Will you please understand the argument, the greatest human right of all is to live a safe life without fear of random murder?'” Let’s get the republican party and the democratic party working together in Maine to enact similar legislation. Sincerely, Paul

If the prime minister of australia can guide people toward safety i expect our president and authorities to be able to do the same and follow suit.  

Really it is a matter of language and what we choose to focus on.  I am focusing on peoples wellness and clearly defining who is abusing their neighbors as resources, and who is teaching people that they need weapons. 

we do not associate israel with being ill.  “we”, the collective “We” dont use that language to describe them.  we consider it merely, defending itself (From the defenses of a punier yet tenaciously committed force that occupies the land they keep trying to claim unrelentlessly)  yet i would not hesitate to say there is something seriously sick about Israel’s  approach to their neighbors.  

we could consider israel, more accurately, a power hungry bully that is actually ill, and misusing and inhumanely weilding its military based on larger funding sources and some hidden agenda that is entirely foreign to us.  what is hidden in palestine that they need so badly to eradicate the people that live there and make their homes there generation after fearful generation because it is their homeland?  what does israel really want aside from power over the land and more money? is there gold hidden in the ground? is there a secret book buried somewhere with the knowledge of eternal life? what the fuck is it? 

here is a prayer i have made

The Earth and the moon are apparently more beautiful than i remember them being. May truth, love and beauty balance disease and trauma. Peace be with all who think weaponizing the world or their home is necessary. May you be kind and make yourself feel safe. May people let other people feel that they belong. No weapon will do that. No horror story nor inflicting your trauma on others will not do that.

Look at the moon. The leaves changing color, pet a dog, love a child, tell a story where someone learns to be a human not a weapon. Learn to love the moon as much as you love money. Do not abuse your power. may a larger sense of humanity, community, ethics and kindness diminish the [militant][religious][institutional] rich and powerful who ask/demad/attach you for your money, land and lives.

this individual man who opened fire in lewiston will not ever get to remediate his violence.  his chance at remediation, although a much smaller scale than a whole countries, was had prior to his violence.  he failed himself and he failed humanity.  he offed himself. 

do people have to die who attack others? not really. they need to be forgiven and they need to have close attention given to them in community. doctors,nurses, social workers, teachers, pastors, neighbors, energy workers, no doubt animals would help. Depending on how reasonable and teachable they are.

could israel just kill itself? could all of the people bombing and shooting paelstinians for years just be locked up for the rest of their lives for their murderous actions? no and no.  why no? i dont know.  the repurcussions dont translate to large scale? why? why wont any other authority step in and tell istrael theyre insane, they have no conscienciousness that everyone’s lives matter.  that they are all going to be contained and medicated and locked up until they prove they are of sound mind?

what we need is to use our voices, to draw more beautiful pictures, to love the sun shining on us and how grateful we are for the smell of the ocean filling our lungs.  take that peace and luxury that has been shaken by local violence — thr reverberations that reflect larger scale violence — know now how close it can be to our home and learn to make something better. 

If I could post an epic painting of roses coming out of the end of a gun, or all the guns and axes buried under that great pine tree as the native american story goes, i would.  at the moment, i have a list of things to get to that ive learned to do to feel safe in my own home and body despite others mental illness and violence.

as a final note to end this commentary on how local small scale things are a direct reflection of how we do not actually address excess military training, weapons, unnecessary violence, mental illness (weaponizataion of humanity) there is this statement made by Leonord Bernstein, great conductor and writer of music, upon the untimely death of John F. Kennedy, “This will be our reply to violence: to make music more intensely, more beautifully, more devotedly than ever before.”

may our children hear those songs, and be the ones to paint those pictures using language and stories that perpetuate belonging and a culture that feels responsible to prevent and protect each other against violence. May we be the kind of adults who edit, clarify, address and re-write the stories people project who intend to perpetuate their trauma and dont know any better. Long live preventative measures.

Love, Jess 

Michelle is dead

October 22, 2023

22 years ago, the most defining event of my young life, aside from parental divorce and my brothers near death, again, occured last night.  October 21, 2001. It’s taken 22 years to process what I told myself to cope at that time —

Told myself :  I get to continue my life in honor of those, particularly Michelle, who can not continue theirs due to death or disability. 

She would want me to sing , dance, paint, hold the children close and raise them up because her spirit won’t ever get the chance to.  She’d want me to heal from gaping wounds and abandonment.  Shed want me to make the world more beautiful, to find peace, to ask for respect and love and longevity because she wasnt here to do just that thing.  Her spirit must be somewhere, trying to coax us to heal. Maybe she is the reminder that strikes us — unawares — we can learn because we’re still alive.  Maybe she doesn’t need a body to send signals . Maybe spirit given is what dawns on us.

Why do some people destroy their bodies and die slow painful deaths making life difficult for those around them?

Why do some people’s bodys just instantly get destroyed?

Those who die on impact  people are those who spare the people around them the tedious tasks of maintaining life where the channel for it has been injured and thwarted.

How difficult it is to see beautiful things wither and struggle to communicate and outright lay in a bed not really trying to or trying to in obscene ways.   How difficult it is to watch instantaneous destruction because there is an immediate hole and what the hell something was just there.  Are they better off being a person who is making space? We may want to hold on and for things to linger yet how much of that is pure purgatory?

How good it is to just die and be done with this life and onto the next , whatever next may be.  How many times do certain parts of the living die into their own life to survive ? We all have done it.

Loss and loving memories of what’s lost is what the living can carry and remember how to take care of themselves by. Loss of loved ones is difficult and the tears may not ever end for such things, yet, they just may, if we can find joy and gratitude in getting to live.  loving new things, second hand things, not just the old.  Seeking out the purpose of our lives, who else might be our friends and become family.  We have to take action, we have to try to figure out through mistake upon mistake Why we have them — our lives — and why we haven’t lost them here yet.

We loose what’s bad for us as much as we loose what’s good for us. Suffering isn’t something to hold it’s something to process, like water we aim to flow through, around, float on, and act more like something with substance. A cloud looses itself into rain… then the wind or some other invisible things makes it stop… falling apart heavy with its own consistency, being pushed down and apart, clearing a way for the sun.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference in a future opening and a stark forceful ending.  It takes real self awareness and saying No to a hell of a lot of feedback you get. Not everyone alive will get you. 

Sometimes friends and families get to stay together honoring each other in so many embraces and sights and sounds and services in this world .  Sometimes you just have to go it alone.

There is more to learn from the past( others struggles and scars) that can serve up gratitude for life — making it this far.   w  Sometimes it’s lighter than we think (a john cage reference) in physical matters. In spiritual matters its what was accomplished and learned in the time memories hold that sustain a decrease in presence. We are lucky if we can obtain presence again, bringing ourselves and all in tow to the table,  keeping our lives intact.

Sometimes it takes a couple decades to come to terms. 

Shadows. assimilation

October 1, 2023

Owning Your Own Shadow: The Dark Side of the Psyche

September

October 1, 2023